Okay, as a poly individual myself, i will go right ahead and sound a minority viewpoint that this can work.
We do not know sufficient about him along with his relationship together with spouse to learn whether it will likely to be a drama-filled mire for your needs or maybe not. Plenty of poly individuals I’m sure are great communicators and people that are generally low-drama date.
A things that are few think of.
A) Jealousy occurs, even for non-monogamous individuals. What the results are if you can get jealous? What are the results if she gets jealous? Will it be fine to speak about these specific things? Is he conscientious sufficient to worry about your emotions while you aren’t the main partner?
B) Discretion. It will likely be easier for you personally if the next-door next-door next-door neighbors do not know.
C) You say you do not wish a critical relationship, but think because specifically you want from someone you are casually dating as you can about what. Seeing one another when every weeks that are few? Once weekly?
D) Logistics. Does he come up to your house as you are otherwise solitary? Can you head out and then find out in the seat that is back teens?
It very slow and see how you feel at each stage if you decide to move forward, take. Be truthful together with your emotions to discover exactly just exactly how he responds compared to that sincerity. In my opinion, worthwhile individuals are prepared to talk you throughout your insecurities and place you at simplicity. Posted by mai at 3:22 PM on January 2, 2014
My goal is to offer the minority viewpoint, at the very least conditionally.
This few are recognized to the OP, whom did not understand that they were in an open relationship from them, or through the gossips. Rating one for going ahead, they are (evidently) discreet, and may manage the downs without it going general public.
Research costs absolutely nothing. Therefore talk about any of it, both the relationship problems while the practicalities – HOW have they managed to make it work? Rating two for going ahead, you may be risking absolutely absolutely nothing in speaking. At precisely the same time, start your ears to such a thing the gossips say, to check out if you should be lacking any tales going swimming.
They’ve been risking just as much, more maybe, while you. There clearly was an implication about you to believe you (as a person, not just a situation) may be open, and ‘suitable’ to participate in their open relationship that they know enough. Place this in advance – why me? – to check out whatever they state beyond ‘well, you will be available nowadays’. Then score three for going on (considering) if the answer goes beyond the crudities (however phrased), you have something to work with and consider, and.
This might be an interesting, enjoyable interlude, for six days, 6 months, that knows? Yes you can find complications, dangers, but hey, that’s the life that is dating.
Being a dad of (now developed) kiddies, if I became met with this possibility I would personally are less concerned with my kids discovering about my sex-life, than I would personally have already been about my ex’s effect. In most this, this could be the offer breaker for you personally, and as opposed to the possibility of having laid, this may end up being the presssing problem that bears probably the most considering. Published by GeeEmm at 3:55 PM on January 2, 2014
I am maybe maybe not likely to provide you with the “parents” talk.
We’m planning to inform you this. It appears that both their and your young ones appear to know one another and you also reside in the neighborhood that is same. Just what if say his spouse DOESN’T consent once you have had some type of intimate knowledge about this man? Let’s say she harasses you? Let’s say he actually is a nut task?
Let’s say for reasons uknown some body finds away who is shared buddies with you both?
Then let’s say your children would discover? Imagine if you feel the neighborhood gossip (you will undoubtedly be on the blacklist of each and every hitched woman in town or at your kids’s school). Keep that life split. Head out in the weekends once you don’t possess your children. But try not to end up getting this man, it is too close for convenience (for the kiddies).
I will be therefore grateful for all your thoughtful and compassionate responses right here. Obviously, a reality was needed by me check, and many thanks, MeFi, for delivering it. I am variety of embarrassed that We needed the web to provide some advice right here, but it is been two decades or more since I had to negotiate relationships and boundaries. And I also ended up being 22 roughly then, and, well, knew absolutely absolutely absolutely nothing. Therefore, many thanks for the training. I believe I necessary to arrive at the idea that “there is nothing incorrect with available relationships, per se, but that one, for me personally right right right here and from now on, is a poor choice. ” And that is fine — it is a big globe out here.
Therefore thank you all. Completely well well worth my anonymous Ask. Merry Brand Brand Brand New 12 Months, y’all.
OP, you’ve got no good explanation whatsover to feel embarrassed! These things is not possible for anybody, and particularly in a truly unique situation in a while! ) like yours, it’s not like there’s an Emily Post entry for it (well maybe there is, I haven’t read her.