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Four Common Misconceptions About Online Dating

Four Common Misconceptions About Online Dating

I know many times I’ve asked for a number , when in hindsight, the vibe really wasn’t there at all. Also, ladies, have some compassion for guys. One of the scariest experiences for a lot of guys is to approach a attractive woman. There is even a term for it: “approach anxiety.” So if you’re really not interested and may think of a reply that embodies authenticity, compassion AND appreciation, then give that a try! And if he’s an insistent douche-bag, then go ahead and do what you gotta do. Jeffrey Platts is the heart and soul behind, sharing perspectives on dating and relationships from an authentic and practical point of view, bringing in years of study in spiritual and personal growth.  When not in front of his Mac, you can find him practicing and teaching yoga or DJing funky old school jams. The lovely Lucky Lass of Don’t Give Us Your Number!! Etiquette is not dead I tell you. Men know to walk on the outside of their women, closer to dangerous gutters and shin-hitting strollers. Women know to protect their man from ungracious comments their girlfriends make, etc. etc. There is one thing though that has alarmingly become more popular and I can’t say that I like it. The phone number reversal. Since when have men thought it proper to give us their number as opposed to asking for ours? This is a steamy pile of crap! Being single is difficult for both sexes involved, it just is.

The slow dance of flirting is a socially agreed upon exchange. We act like we don’t see you, you walk over awkwardly, or send a drink over to do your talking for you. We laugh at each other’s jokes (if they’re bad enough) and you ask us for our number. It’s a complicated jig and has taken us a long time to get in to position and do it right.ashley maidson Now men are throwing in some new step no gentlemanly instructor has taught them. It’s not a good move and I’ll give you 3 good reasons why: 1–It tells us you have no guts. We like guts–thick, long, windy ones. The days of fearlessly fighting dragons don’t exist anymore. Asking for our number is the next closest thing, so do it, and do it boldly, slayer. 2–It tells us you’re cheap. Maybe you get charged for calls after 7 p.m. and that’s why you want us to call you.

Get a new job, man. 3–It tells us you have low self-esteem. This will kill any chance you thought you had with us. If you don’t believe you can get in to our pants, we will confirm that belief. Gutless, cheap, loser. These are not the adjectives of a casanova. Most of the time, we look to men to take the lead. ( I will deny this later, so don’t quote me). If you don’t take this initiative, we are out on the dance floor under a spot light with no partner. So if you’d like some, ask for our number, it’s the first good move you can make.

Lucky Lass writes for the blog Growing up in a world of all women guardians, my experience with men relied heavily upon the neighbor’s stern dad, the family’s appeasing minister and my he-cat, Chubbs. With these three, the characteristics of a “good man” remained as far away as the East is from the West.  Never one to back down from a challenge however, I went ahead and lived my life, painted on various men as if they were nail polish…some looked great on me, most clashed awfully. How to know who was worth me?  Who I was worth?  That remains to be seen.  All I do know, is I’m one lucky lady to have made it this far with all my essentials intact, ego and pen included. Ms. Maruska Morena, of Dating 2.0. Always insightful and always hilarious.

Love her! When He Gives You His Number.. Instead of Asking For Yours? There are many reasons a guy gives out his number, but the main reason is that he wants to hear from you. That said, he may not be that into you. He may give you his number so he can measure if you’re really interested.. aka you’ll call if you are.. so he can have a more “sure thing”. a remotely attractive girl is better than being alone. Or.. he may be chicken or unsure of himself. He might think you’re out of his league, or not that into him or you’re in group of friends and he’s intimidated to produce that bold of a move. In every case, he probably won’t be an alpha male, and will be happiest letting you take the lead. There are exceptions to this.. where a guy will give his number to the friend of the girl he really wants to date and figures he’ll have a better chance of getting the apple of his eye if he befriends her friend. But I think this is rare. Maruska Morena runs the popular dating blog,  Dating again. I never was truely the most successful dater before, and it seems the “time off” has done little to help that.

I wanted to make a space to voice my adventures, my foibles, my thoughts, and the ups and downs of dating (again).

A Girl’s Dilemma: Should I Go Up to His Apartment?

Hopefully you’ll enjoy it. Laugh with me, cry with me, and even at times run for cover with me. My take on this whole thing?  I’ve written about it before. I tend to think that the guy that does this errs on the side of being insecure more times than not.  Society expects us men to be aggressive and to get out there and take what we want. Many women like  can-do attitude, or perhaps a ‘will-do-you’ attitude.

Either way it lets a woman know that you’re assertive and willing to get around and get what you want. Trust me, that’s what women really want.  To be pursued. In short, ladies, if this guy you’re into does this to you, either punch him in the unmentionables or go shopping for a dude with a spine.  That’s how I see it. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook55Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Opinion Tagged in: Dating, numbers Many people will be familiar with the experience of being in a relationship and everything’s going great…then, all of a sudden, they get hit by a wave of retroactive jealousy. Maybe a Facebook memory pops up on their partner’s phone of a birthday dinner with an ex. Or maybe you’re having a few drinks together and talking about past sexual experiences, and your partner mentions a crazy one-night stand they had at a party. It’s natural to feel inadequacy and anxiety when these things come up. Everyone knows it’s pretty nasty to confer with your partner about your exes a lot of unless they ask. Even so, it’s unavoidable for the topic of past relationships to be brought up from time to time, particularly in an age of social media where people comment on things and “1 year ago” memories are at the top of your feed. Even though you consciously know that your partner is over them and loves you now, you might wonder if they thought sex with their ex was better.

Or maybe you secretly worry that they miss the crazy one-night stands they had before they settled down with you. You might get stressed about how your partner looks so happy with their ex in those pictures, that you just can’t understand why they’re not together anymore. Feelings of retroactive jealousy have become common in both sexes. It’s a generalisation and this can go both ways, but typically men seem to get plagued by imagining their girlfriend having many previous sexual experiences. Women often feel upset imagining their partner being romantic and in love with an ex. Even though feelings of retroactive jealousy are common, they’re not talked about much. Being a jealous partner carries connotations of being crazy, and no one wants to be that guy. Being jealous of your partner getting too friendly with someone while you’re together is one thing, but almost everyone has ex-partners and so they haven’t done anything wrong by having slept with someone before you even met them.This is why you might worry bringing up these feelings with your partner could scare them off, which is why it’s frequently not talked about. How to deal with retroactive jealousy 1. Be logical about it.Realistically, the only thing that matters is there here and now. Even if your boyfriend was with his ex for several years, and you’ve only been with him for six months, your relationship is automatically more important and real because it exists in the here and now. If he didn’t want to be with you, he wouldn’t be. 2. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes.You probably have an ex too, right? How often do you think about them? Hopefully, not very often. And you know that you have grounds for the break-up. If your partner was worried about your ex at all, you’d think that was a bit silly because they have no reason to be concerned about some loser guy you dated in college.

If you trust your partner, think about the fact that their situation is probably very similar. 3. Do NOT stalk your partner’s ex’s social media.However tempting this may be, you aren’t going to have a good time doing this! People only post their very best selves on social media, so the only pictures you’re going to see are of them looking good. Their social media shouldn’t matter to you and will only make you feel insecure, so resist the urge to dig. 4. Compare it to friendships.It can be helpful to think about one of your close friends. You know that they had friends before they met you, and surely this doesn’t bother you. Maybe you know that they’re no longer friends with their goth best friend from high school because they grew apart, and the fact that they were never friends never bothers you. It can help to remind yourself that you consciously know that people have relationships, they grow and move on, and it’s not a big deal. 5. Talk to your partner about your feelings (maybe).Communication is always a good strategy in relationships. Just make sure that you address it right, so they don’t feel like you’re angry at them for simply having an ex, which they certainly can’t do anything about.

Ask them to help you understand why they’re no longer together, and let them reassure you. 6.

5 approaches To Increase Your Confidence

Talk to a friend.If talking to your partner about this seems a bit daunting, you could speak to a close friend who’s in a relationship about it. Ask if they’ve ever felt the same way about their partner’s past, and what makes them feel better when they get these thoughts. They’ve probably experienced similar feelings, which can be reassuring. You can bond over how odd it feels to be jealous of someone’s past and come up with coping strategies together. Many people experience fleeting thoughts of retroactive jealousy. However, if it’s something more ongoing and severe for you, the coping strategies listed above are unlikely to be enough to deal with your feelings of retroactive jealousy. Retroactive jealousy can also be a symptom of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and you may need counselling to break the cycle of these feelings. However, remember that regardless of whether your feelings of retroactive jealousy are severe or just fleeting, if you work hard enough you can take control of them. Remember that retroactive jealousy isn’t anywhere near as rare as you might think. You don’t have to feel bad for having these thoughts, but they may be uncomfortable. With some work, you can move past them. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin1 Posted in: Relationships Tagged in: confidence, jealousy, personal development, retroactive jealousy, self-development Although I struggled to admit it, I was in lust with Noah Peterson*, and I have been for six years. We were juniors in high school the incident, but my crush on Noah dated back to seventh grade, when Ms. Hamilton, in science class, paired the two of us for a genetics assignment. The project involved using Punnett squares and dice to predict the genetic traits of our hypothetical offspring. We were, in essence, “making a baby” together, and I blushed at the thought. We drew the baby on paper, and Noah declared it “the ugliest thing on the planet.” I laughed, loudly and easily, whenever Noah was around. The crush was reciprocated back in those days; at least, that’s what everyone claimed. Noah teased me publically, the universal flirting style for a 12-year-old boy. He would make showy, idiotic remarks whenever I entered the classroom, seeking my reaction; I would giggle or roll my eyes to feign annoyance. I resisted our eighth-grade promotion with vehemence, knowing that high school would change the interactions between Noah and me—or, at least, make them fewer in number.

And it did. But as freshmen in high school, Noah and I went to the TOLO together. I found his number in the phonebook, called up his landline, and asked for Noah when his mother answered. I could barely hear Noah’s words or my personal thoughts over the echoing of my heartbeat, but I remember him saying “Sure,” which was more than enough to thrill me. I picked out matching T-shirts for us to rep his favorite college basketball team together—the dance was an informal one—and coordinated with girlfriends and their dates; we all played games at my house before going out for Mexican food and then heading to the dance. In every picture from that evening ( including the professional ones—a miracle!), I looked so happy. My cheeks flushed and my eyes smiled. I had wanted to kiss Noah for years but blissed out instead on slow dancing to his “mom’s favorite song,” Amazed by Lonestar. In addition to occasional glimpses while passing through the high school hallways, Noah and I did not socialize over the next two years. After all, Noah and many athletically-oriented males did not stray outside the boundaries of their “cool” group any more often than most of my academically-oriented friends and I entered it. I held on tight to my fantasies of dating Noah, though, and my friends knew it. At a home football game junior year, which was our small rural town’s main event in every given week, the student section was abuzz with talk of homecoming. I did not have a date yet, and there was, of course, only one person I had in mind.

In a moment of relative quiet, between quarters, my friend Lily decided to take my fate into her own hands and, cupping them around her mouth, yelled across rows of students to Noah, who sat comfortably amidst the popular crowd. “Noah!” She got his, and everyone’s, attention; the crowd parted briefly, and heads turned. “Want to take Allie to homecoming?” I was desperate to disappear, feeling entirely out of control of the situation. The actual act of disappearing (running down the bleachers and through crowds lining the football field) would have drawn more attention to myself and shown that I cared (and cared deeply) about Noah’s response. So, I stood there, vulnerable, paralyzed in my fear. “Nah, I already went to a dance with her,” he yelled back. There it was. The final blow to any hope around what might have become of Noah and me. Friends and acquaintances looked back and forth between us, studying my face for signs of disappointment and faintly grimacing at the awkward scene. I left at halftime, with friends. They tried to comfort me, and I deflected, making light of the situation to prevent pity and preserve dignity. I dispensed self-deprecating jokes and stuffed my face comically with foods.

I told them I wasn’t bothered by Noah’s rejection, which was as far from the truth as I could stretch. Ten years later, though, on the couch of my therapist, I sobbed about that night. For the first time, I was letting myself feel—really feel—the pain of that very public rejection. “Allie, this is what you need to tell me. This is what you need to show people,” my therapist told me gently. “I feel more connected to you I want to see these parts of you.” And then I realized: Noah’s rejection of me did not make me any less lovable to my people. In fact, it may even have had the opposite effect – making me more relatable, more approachable, more lovable. This reframe of rejection was like a healing balm to my hurting heart, and it freed me to be more vulnerable in like, lust, and love. I still feel fear when expressing romantic interest in others, but the shame is gone – or it’s leaving, anyway. And thank goodness for that. *All names were changed except the author’s. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook7Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships Tagged in: rejection; lust; high school; broken heart; lovable President Donald Trump has a new favorite doctor. On July 27, the president and his son Donald Trump, Jr. tweeted a viral video featuring Dr.

Stella Immanuel, in which the Houston pediatrician rejected the effectiveness of wearing face masks for preventing the spread of COVID-19 and promoted hydroxychloroquine to treat the disease. Journalists quickly dug into Immanuel’s background and found that she’s also claimed that having sex with demons can cause health problems like cysts and endometriosis. These beliefs don’t come out of thin air, and she’s far from the only person who holds them. As a scholar of biblical and apocryphal literature, I’ve researched and taught how these beliefs have deep roots in early Jewish and Christian stories – one reason they continue to persist today. Hints of demons in the Bible As in many religions, demons in Judaism and Christianity are often evil supernatural beings that torment people. Although it’s difficult to find a lot of clarity about demons in the Hebrew Bible, many later interpreters have understood demons to be the “evil spirit” that haunts King Saul in the first book of Samuel. Another example appears in the book of Tobit. This work was composed between about 225 and 175 BCE and isn’t included in the Hebrew Bible or accepted by all Christians.

But it is considered part of the Bible by religious groups like Roman Catholics, Orthodox Christians, Beta Israel and the Assyrian Church of the East. Tobit includes a narrative about a young woman named Sarah. Although Sarah doesn’t suffer any physical affliction, Asmodeus, the demon of lust, kills every man betrothed to her because of his desire for her. The Christian gospels are packed with stories linking demons and illness, with Jesus and several of his early followers casting out demons who afflict their victims. In one of the most prominent stories told in the Gospel of Mark, Jesus encounters a man possessed by a group of demons who call themselves “Legion” and sends them into a nearby herd of pigs who stampede off a cliff. Demon lore spreads far and wide Demons pervade biblical apocrypha, which are stories about biblical subjects that were never included in the canonical Bible and include various associations between demons, illness and sex. The early Christian text “Acts of Thomas” was likely composed in the third century and became hugely popular, as it was eventually translated into Greek, Arabic and Syriac. It tells the story of the apostle Thomas’ travels to India as an early Christian missionary. Along the way, he encounters a number of obstacles, including people who have been possessed by demons. In the fifth act, a woman comes to him and pleads for help. She tells the apostle how, one day at the baths, she encountered an old man and talked to him out of pity. But when he propositioned her for sex, she refused and left. Later that night, the demon in the guise of an old man attacked her in her sleep and raped her. Although the woman attempted to escape the demon the very next day, he continued to find her and rape her every night, tormenting the woman for five years. Thomas then exorcises the demon.

a 19th-century drawing of astaroth. Louis Breton Another demon story is found in the “Martyrdom of Bartholomew,” which probably dates back to the sixth century. Bartholomew also travels to India, where he finds that the inhabitants of a city worship an idol named Astaroth who may have promised to heal all of their health problems.

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