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Dating Games! Do That Right!

Dating Games! Do That Right!

That show follows the lives of people who’ve been deceived in online relationships. It exposes people who lie about their age, marital status, financial status, and gender to trick (or “catfish”) individuals who are online in hopes of finding real love. Some episodes of the show concern people who were tricked into sending money to online chat partners who turned out to be scammers. But, you wonder, what if the request you received is real? People really do find love online. And everyone has financial emergencies sometimes, right? It would be such a shame to let your suspicions kill a budding love affair. You don’t want to seem heartless or indifferent to someone who has poured their heart out to you so passionately. So you send the money. You receive thank-you texts that overflow with gratitude.fling websites The person on the other end of your connection calls you a lifesaver. You start to feel good that you were able to help friend in need.

Maybe you even feel a little closer to your online love interest because you’ve shared a crisis together. But a few weeks later, you will get a frantic message. The situation has gotten worse. New complications have arisen. More money is needed–$2300 more. This really is more than you can or want to send. Your suspicions are back and stronger now. You reply and explain that you’re sorry but you just can’t send that amount. You receive torrent of messages begging, pleading, promising repayment. But you start to realize that lot of the things your virtual boyfriend or girlfriend explained just don’t add up, so you refuse. Then you will get another message—good news, someone else can help out with $600, so all you really need to send is just $1700. Again you refuse. And after that, you never hear from this person again. Slowly, reluctantly, you realize that you, too, have been catfished. Scams like this certainly are a huge industry.

According to the FTC, they cost the American public $220 million in 2016. And most of the people who fall for it are not especially stupid or gullible; they are simply people who were outwitted by a professional trickster. How can you protect yourself against scammers who steal from people on online dating sites? The best way is by knowing the tricks of the trade. The FTC cautions that you may be dealing with a scammer if your online love interest: • Wants to leave the dating site immediately and use personal email or IM; • Claims love in a heartbeat; • Claims to be from the U.S., but is traveling or working overseas; and/or • Plans to see but is prevented by a traumatic event or a business deal gone sour. One dating site publishes an extensive list of additional red flags that could indicate that you’re chatting with a catfisher: • Their name consists of two first names. • They don’t call often, as they would rather write. • They are not all over the Internet—you cannot find them on Facebook or any other sites. • They ask about your finances. • The facts that they give you do not check out. They are not on the alumni list of the college they said they attended, and so on. • They make promises that are unrealistic. While requests for money to help cover some emergency or to assist with travel appear to be the most common features of catfishing scams, there are other, more troubling variations. Some involve blackmail and extortion. Maybe you’ve sent some risqué selfies to your online chat buddy, who is now threatening to publish them online. Maybe you’re a closeted lesbian or gay man and the person on the other end of the chat threatens to out you. Maybe someone you’ve been sexting with suddenly “admits” to being underage and threatens to call the cops. And all of these unpleasant scenarios may be avoided if you make a substantial payment in Bitcoin or gift cards. What makes catfishing scams so cruel is that they prey upon individuals who are just trying to make a genuine human connection, develop a friendship, find love, or even make a lifelong commitment.

Perhaps one day those who toy with those people’s needs, trust, and affection will reap what they sow. The good news is that despite the scams, millions of people have found friendship and love by using online dating sites. Online dating is now the most common way for fiancés to meet up with each other. In 2017, 19% of all brides met their new spouses online. While there are dishonest people on dating sites—just as there are in other environments—there are many more good, honest individuals who are looking to make a connection. Arming yourself with an understanding of how online dating scammers operate will help protect you from the catfishers and increase your odds of finding someone genuine. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

How To “Unfriend” The “Friendzone”

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook5Tweet0Pin2 Posted in: Online Dating Tagged in: catfishing, Dating, Online Dating, Scam, Soul Mate My mother always warned me about never loving too hard. She would tell me to always remember my personal name. You can love someone, but you can never love someone too fiercely…because what will happen when they leave the room? Will the air go out with them? I erase every imperfection that I have ever had in my past relationships. At night when I dream, I rewind every minute, of everyday, so I can start at the beginning. This time I’m able to be perfect.

I can take back what I’ve done and every word that I’ve ever said so that this time, perhaps, if I’m lucky, the feelings I have will be requited. I take it back to the very start to the moment that I meet them. Like one night, I was sitting under some dim lights in a club in the early hours of the morning. I had my hair tied up and my coat around my shoulders. I was approached by someone who would look good in every light and it was the beginning of a love affair that wasn’t so grand. In between kisses, several weeks later, he told me that he liked me better with my hair down. Now when I dream of meeting him that night, I always dream of sitting down under similar dim lights with my hair out. I regret every single moment that it wasn’t that way, like if I left it down for one day longer, he would have loved me back. I remember when he touched my skin, he whispered to me how much he loved it.

It was so soft and he loved it. Now when someone asks me what I like about myself, I tell them about how soft my skin is. If it was so deserving to be loved by him, then it must be perfect. My skin is what I like most about myself. I always thought I was funny and I always thought I was kind, but ever since he touched me, the surface has been all that mattered. The first time we sat together on his bed, we listened to the soundtrack of Drive and his eyes lit up when he talked about all the music he’s collected since he was 18. I remember that I had never heard much of what he was talking about, but that night, I went home and everything he showed me suddenly became my favourite song. I knew the songs off by heart even when there were no lyrics. I could hum the beat and I could tell you if the albums were released, because from that day, it was my favourite form of tune to listen to. I had a favourite band before this, but it sounded nothing like this, so I never shared the albums that I liked before I met him. And when he left me, I wasn’t surprised. I never saw him with a girl like me.

Even in my dreams, I never dreamt of him with me, because every detail of myself couldn’t live up to what I dreamt I should’ve been. So I take myself back to the beginning to when we first met, and I want us to meet up with just one last time. I want him to feel what I felt and this time, I want to feel nothing. I want to be him and this time he can be me. I forgot everything about myself. I willingly gave it all up as if one little detail would make it all okay, as if one second can make up for a kaleidoscope of wrongs. If I wore my make up differently, he would have loved me. If I changed my hair, he would have loved me. If I was just not me, he would have loved me.

That was the solution. If I was anyone but myself this relationship could have worked. Now when I think about it, how long would that relationship have lasted anyway? If I had gotten what I wanted so desperately where could I even go from there? From the very first moments that this “relationship” formed, it would be on the weakest grounds that could be taken down by the slightest breath. If I were to wake up from a car accident one day with complete amnesia, I would have to find a way to remember the person that I carefully crafted in this relationship, because if I woke up as myself that would be the end. Goodbye. You don’t love me anymore.

I like the wrong things and I don’t laugh at the same things you do. I am myself and myself is not enough in this scenario, yet I’ve committed myself fully to making something impossible work. The flaw is not me–the flaw would be us, and if I changed myself to produce this work, I would be putting a bandaid on a gunshot wound. I thank god that some of my past relationships never worked. I think back of them so poetically; I build dreams about how every detail could be perfect only if everything was different. My fault is that I am a builder of the most delusional fantasies. My fault is not that I’m not good enough to be loved. I do not need the validation of someone to tell me who I am. I don’t need to hold someone’s hand to feel less lonely.

The air won’t leave the room when someone leaves me. I’m able to close the door and I will be okay. There is no detail of myself that needs to change so that I’m able to find my way into someone else’s heart. I will always remember my mother’s advice. I will love fiercely, and I will love greatly, because it’s never a crime to love, but I will never let a love consume my name again. I will always be my personal grand love affair before I am anyone else’s girl. Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox!

Mixing and Matching Isn’t Just for Clothing. It’s for Dating, Too!

Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook42Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Dating & Relationships, Relationships, Self Tagged in: advice, changing yourself, dating advice, pursuit of love, unrequited love Once upon a time there was an old rule of thumb that men and women lived by when it came to dating called the “three-day rule”. If you exchange numbers with someone, wait three days to call. After a date, wait three days to email. After a hookup, wait three days to text. And so on and so on. Nowadays in our culture of technologically enhanced instant gratification, this practice is something of an ancient artifact, a bygone ritual of the olden days.

And yet, there are plenty of women out there who still struggle with how to time their responses and reactions to guys they are interested in. You don’t want to come off as too eager or desperate, but you also don’t want to seem uninterested or wait too long and lose out on a promising prospect, especially when it now takes only .25 seconds for a guy to swipe right on Tinder and find a new hottie to flirt with. Additionally the admittedly first-world problem of too many ways to get in touch: Should you text, DM, Snapchat, Facebook message, send a carrier pigeon or – heaven forbid – just pick up the phone and call? And then, once you’ve decided what medium of communication you’ll use, there’s an even bigger question waiting for you: What the hell should you say? There’s a pretty easy solution that I like to apply to this triple dilemma of 1) when to get in touch, 2) how to get in touch and 3) what to say when you do. Basically all you have to do is work it backward. So as opposed to focusing first on question #1, ask yourself a variation on question #3: What – if anything – do you actually want to communicate to this person right now? If you have something cool to share with you that you think is genuinely interesting, then trust your guts, embrace your inner superhero and go for it – the sooner the better, in my opinion. Be brave but don’t be impulsive, and don’t over think it! If it’s a message you’ve actively chosen and feel good about, it will come out more easily, I promise. And hopefully this will help you care a little less about questions #1 and #2. Now, if you’re not sure what to say and you’re struggling to get past “hey” or “whats up” or you’ve spent the past hour erasing and rewriting similar message twenty times without sending it, the best thing to do is just step away from the machine: stop and give yourself a minute or an hour or a day to regroup (note how that takes care of Question #1 momentarily). Bottom line: If it ain’t working, don’t force it! You want to strive to convey something genuine if you’d like anything genuine in return. The next thing to do while you take a self-imposed technology hiatus is gently ask yourself a few of the following questions (since you will likely still be thinking about it anyway): What do I really want to do here? What’s my motivation?

Do I want to share something real with this person or is sending that sexy side-boob pic with three kissing face emojis at 1.42am just an easy way to get some attention? What are some of the things that might happen if I do that? What do I want to happen? And what if it doesn’t? Am I cool with that? Is there another way I could better express my interest? Try your best to get clear with yourself on this stuff and accept all the possible outcomes: Maybe you’ll find that there isn’t anything to say and decide not to get in touch after all. Maybe you’ll go ahead but get no response anyway. Imagining the possibilities can be a powerful way to build a sense of control and confidence over the situation.

And that could eventually allow something more substantive and sharable to pop into your brain. Who knows? Maybe by then he will have gotten in touch with you and all this will be a moot point, until the next go-round at least. What’s important is to know what you want to say before worrying too much about when and how to say it. So figure that out first then make your move. Always possess your decision to act and be open to whatever happens next. And remember: making connections with new people is supposed to be fun, so don’t make yourself crazy! After all, it is only a text or a tweet or a pigeon, isn’t it?

Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook55Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Tips & Advice Tagged in: Dating, first impressions, texting, three day rule, timing, women Get knowledge dumped upon your face! You silly little goose! I don’t pay a lot of attention, I did when they purchased OkCupid last year. Otherwise is the girl with big knockers who wears sweaters all the time. I mean, you’re curious because she may have some wonderful tits. On the other hand, she might have Chewbacca like body hair under that sweater. Ew! But I took notice of Match this past week when they did a Singles event in NYC ( presents Singles in America) where they’d share some research conducted by their in-resident researcher, smoking hot Dr. Helen Fisher.

I’m not gonna lie, I’d tap that ass… Well, maybe not, but I’m lonely these days I frankly don’t give a sh*t where I get it now, though, I suspect Dr. Fisher would rather get the ‘Piggy’ treatment, from ‘Lord of this Flies’ than do the McNasty with me, but I digress. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, drink more, or just watch the YouTube vid below: As you might expect, Dr. Silky Boobs was dropping some fat stacks of information, you. The non-Jesse explanation would be: “She was talking about some cool ass dating stats, alright?” One stat that was a total “Yeah, I could told all y’all bitches that!” Was that 42% of men who receive a sext from a woman, share it with their bros. Um. Fucking duh! I get titties on my phone, it’s up to me, as a man, to share with you it with the whole world. Why do you imagine the telegraph was invented. Idiots! Along with that there are other stats about how marrieds not only think about doing the Shasta McNasty more often than us single folk do, but they orgasm more as well. Lame. It’s not like I didn’t already feel shitty as a singleton, now I got telling me why I suck… From a scientific perspective… sigh. Anyway, it’s definitely worth checking out when you will get a chance!

Get your learn on, fools! Visit for more info from this years Singles in America study.     Signup for Our Newsletter Get Us in Your Inbox! Online Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice Tips in Your Inbox… Follow @theurbandater Like this:Like Loading… Share This Article Facebook3Tweet0Pin0 Posted in: Online Dating, Sex, Social Media, Special Tagged in:, Online Dating, Single In America, Singles in America Online dating can be a great tool. Having thousands of eligible singles at the click of a mouse (or the tap of a finger) can mean the difference between perpetual loneliness and happiness with another person. However, finding love on the internet is only effective if you approach it realistically and honestly. Many people hold misguided views about online dating, which, more often than not, lead to failure. Here are four common misconceptions: It Solves Dating Problems If you can’t flirt to save your daily life, have trouble making conversation, or are just plain unattractive, going the online route isn’t going to magically turn you into a dating master. What a lot of people don’t realize is that the rules of attraction always apply, whether in the “real world” or on the internet. So, if you can’t get a date in more traditional environments because your social skills are lacking, you’re not going to magically develop those skills just because you decide to create an online profile. It’s Less Superficial Lots of men and women get tired of the club or bar scene and hope by going online they can find a less superficial dating environment. And, while online dating is slower paced and lower pressure, it can actually be more superficial. In person, people evaluate all sorts of factors in choosing to be attracted to others: body language, sexual chemistry, charm, scent, etc. These are difficult (or impossible) to show in a dating profile or express through messaging. What is easy to show?

A picture and stats. So, factors like height, weight, body type, and physical appearance play a much greater role, especially in determining whether to initiate contact with another person or to respond to messages. The Odds Are In Your Favor You haven’t met that special someone at the job or the bar down the street. Even church has failed you. But, if you just had access to thousands of people, you’d have no trouble meeting your soul mate. Right? Well, maybe. While those thousands of people with profiles in your metro area represent a bigger pool of potential dates, the large numbers also present a problem. More people also means more competition. Unless you can find a way to stick out (in a positive way), it’s easy to get lost in the noise. This is especially true if you’re not particularly good looking or interesting. It’s Easy Online dating has become a haven for lazy daters. They think throwing up a generic profile and sending a few copy and paste messages will get them a easy date.

Then, they become angry when they can’t even get another person out for coffee. Online dating isn’t easy, even for those who are physically attractive. It requires effort and strategy to even get noticed, let alone go out on an actual date. If you aren’t willing to put in the work to make a good profile, write unique messages, choose the right pictures, and do anything else necessary to succeed, don’t even bother installing an account.

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